just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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