I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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