she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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