it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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