So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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