Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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