If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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