The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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