I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
