forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
