Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
