my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
