you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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