Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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