she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
