We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
