My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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