cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
