I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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