You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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