i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
