I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
