my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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