I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
