Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
