I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
