Apparently you make a good broom.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
