I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize