I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
