Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
