I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
