Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
