i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
