just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
