i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
