i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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