He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
