sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
