When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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