Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
