so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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