Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Fuck appropriateness.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
