GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
