allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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