He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
