So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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