Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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