It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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