so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
