So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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