I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
