Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
