And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
kristin has been a bad kristin
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
