A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
