Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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