You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
