Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
