mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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