just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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