but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
