What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
