I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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