Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just puked most of my soul out..
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