Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't deserve a penis
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
