yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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