god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
