We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
