Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
