why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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