It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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