What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
