well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
