why didn't you poke me back
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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