i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
