PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's rum buckets o'clock
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
