Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
