Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
