His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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