Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
