bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
