Just cropdusted the office
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
