Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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