Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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