in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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