i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
