No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
