Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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