He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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