I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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