i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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