I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
