You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
