apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
