sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
