There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
