I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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