I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
