Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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