airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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