I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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