Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
