we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
