You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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