I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
