I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
