Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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