thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
