You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
