Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
